TJ Asks: My friend asked me to pose with him for an erotic art group. I'm 19, a virgin, and I'm in love with him. What should I do?

My older brothers best friend poses for a gay erotic art group of 11 people once every two weeks. The model he was to pose with for next week cancelled and he asked me if I would be willing to take the model’s place. I’m 19, a complete virgin (not even kissed), and I’m in love with him. I want to do this but the poses get pretty adult and I’m nervous about having all those firsts being in front of so many people. What should I do?
— TJ

Hi TJ,

Oh man I messed up on this one. You asked this a while back and I failed to answer it in a timely manner. I apologize for this. By now, this event has already passed. So you may have or have not done it. But I will still offer up my thoughts.

Oddly enough, I would have said “no,” not to do it. Normally I am all about pushing one’s boundaries in order to experience life to the fullest. But if you are a virgin and have never kissed someone, then the simple act of kissing and sex is already a major boundary to push.

When it comes to boundary pushing, it’s best to go one step at a time. Posing for an erotic art group (which I have done many times), is a fantastic way to do it. It can be an awesome experience. But doing it while broaching these other major life events can create a bit of internal chaos. A person’s first sexual experience should really be a positive life event and should not feel like chaos.

As for the being-in-love part, that makes it even trickier. Some people struggle to differentiate that of being love vs having a crush. This can happen to any of us but I think it is common among young people especially and it is a major mindfuck. I would recommend labeling these feelings as a “crush” until those feelings are reciprocated and you can actually start building a bond with that person… then love comes into the picture. Recognizing the crush label helps keep the brain thinking about the scenario more rationally instead of emotionally. Otherwise you will be stuck in mindfuck mode. And if you are in mindfuck mode, that is going to make the “pushing of the boundaries” that much more chaotic.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Scott
Bare InkSlinger