Anonymous Asks: Is it normal in a relationship for one party to grow to like the other party more than is being reciprocated?

Is it normal in a relationship for one party to grow to like the other party more than is being reciprocated? I feel like my bf of almost two years is way more into me than I am into him. I love the guy but is this just me being bored as we are no longer in our ‘honeymoon’ phase of a relationship? Or do I need to reasess and think about parting ways?
— Anonymous

Hey Anonymous,

I don’t know if I would describe this as “normal,” but I would definitely say this happens enough that you aren’t abnormal.

The honeymoon phase is a tricky little fucker. It’s almost like it sets people up for failure - a promise of a newfound relationship that will eventually not be quite like that. When it comes to that particular transition in a relationship, we ALL have to ask the question, “Okay, who are we now?”

If you aren’t feeling as satisfied as you think he might be, then it’s best to look inward instead of outward… meaning: don’t ask “what is it about him that’s leaving me unfulfilled?” but rather “what is it about ME that’s leaving me unfulfilled?”

Instead of trying to figure out whether or not he is providing a, b, or c, try to figure out if you’re really even needing a, b, or c, or if you are an x, y, z, kind of guy, and whether there is a random r or a k in there. Get to know yourself better to understand what you need from relationship, why you need it, and if it’s even realistic? When you ask yourself these questions, write them down along with your answers. Pen-to-paper gives it a stronger hold in our brain.

Here’s the kicker though: often what we think we want is not necessarily what sustains a great relationship. You can say you want a guy with a good job who is adventurous and makes you laugh. But that doesn’t mean he will be a good communicator or empathetic to YOUR needs. So, as you ask yourself those questions, be as brutally honest with yourself as possible. Would you rather have the nice guy who is kinda blah, or the wild guy who is kind of a dick? Since all of us are different, there’s technically no wrong answer.

To me, the true sign of when a relationship has gotten so stale that it is worth walking away is when you feel like roommates rather than a couple. This is when the relationship is basically void of all intimacy. Some people think this is when the sex stops but I disagree with that. There is so much more intimacy that’s shared in a relationship than just sex. There are so many other things you’d do with a partner than you’d do with a roommate.

If you see things headed in this direction, either try and be the partner you’d like to have, or figure out how things can come to an end so you don’t waste each other’s time.

Best of luck,

Scott
Bare InkSlinger