John Asks: How do you find love?

Hi Scott, my name is John. I’m 24 years old living in Georgia with a couple of questions to ask. For right know I’m just going to do a really simple one, love. I now love isn’t a simple question to ask but here goes nothing. My question for you is how do you find love? I want to find a guy to be with but I have no idea how. I fear the idea of going online to a site or join one of those hookup apps. I’m not a very confident person because of my body and personality, also I’ve never had a boyfriend or a real crush with anyone. I just don’t know what to do, any advice would be appreciated
— John

Hola John,

That is a tough one to answer as we are all different in what we want and how we pursue it. I am sure you’re tired of the predictable response of “You’re young! You have so much time!” Blah blah.

Here is what I have come to know about those who are in high search for love: a watched pot never boils. The harder you search for it, the harder it is to find it. I believe there is wisdom in being happy with where you are in this moment. Pursue it as it comes up, but don’t force it. In the meantime, enjoy being single and use it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

I highly recommending growing your confidence. Since you mentioned that, it’s important to address it. People have different types they go for, but the ONE thing that is universally sexy is confidence. The way you feel about yourself sends a message as to how others should feel about you. If you don't believe in yourself, guys will sense that energy and also not believe in you. But if you believe you are worthy and like who you are, then guys will most likely see you as worthy and like you as well. Confidence is key. If you don’t have it, work on it.

Another important key to finding love is to let go of what you think you want. A lot of the things we look for in a mate are more superficial than we realize: good looking, good job, similar interests, makes us laugh… a lot of that doesn’t help sustain a good relationship as much as we think. Be sure to look for the more humanistic qualities such as kindness, compassionate, understanding, communicative, empathetic. Without these, love is not as lovely as it sounds.

And one last thing, I have come to see that when people are desperately looking for love, they often times end up in bad relationships. This is not how it always happens of course. But often times, when we want something bad enough, we will go with the first thing that marginally fits the bill. Thus, we can end up with guys who were never that great of a fit to begin with. The honeymoon period can fool us easily. Have open eyes just as much as an open heart.


Bare InkSlinger