Stu Asks: What is your best and worst travel experience? What would your dream holiday be?

Hi Stu,

Thanks for reading and thanks for asking.  This was oddly a tough question.

I have had so many great travels.  I think my favorite would be San Diego in October of 2015.  I had just quit my job in social work to pursue my dream of being a writer.  We had originally planned to go there for my best friends' sister's wedding.  But we went early to catch a concert from my favorite band Garbage.  Then we got lots of time on the nude beach.  

Then we went to Disney Land.  I don't necessarily care about Disney but going on these rides made my partner and I laugh in ways that still brings the biggest smiles to my heart.  Then I fucked it up by doing something naughty that I shouldn't have.  The thing that made it amazing was that my partner forgave me.  

Then I won a wet underwear contest at a bar even though I was up against guys who had washboard abs.  I plan to write this story sometime in the future because it terrified the fuck out of me.  Then we got to spend time with my best friend and enjoy the wedding.  We also got to stay with amazing people and eat lots of awesome food.  Just so much happened and it was all so wonderful.

As for my dream trip... that one is easy.  I would love to do a full tour of Spain - go to all the major cities and the small towns and, of course, all the nude beaches.  Embarrassingly enough, I have never been across the ocean.  Going to Spain has always been on the top of my list.  I would also love to see Greece (for the architecture and the beaches) and Germany (for the dirty bars and the public nudity) and Australia (for the koala bears and the hot dudes).


Bare InkSlinger

Ray Asks: I feel like my straight friend has feelings for me but he is afraid. What do you think?

Sorry my question is a bit weird, I think.
Well, I am 20 years old and gay and out. I have a friend who I recently became friends with from college. However he is “straight” or atleast he says he is. He is absolutely gorgeous though. Anyways, he texts me almost every day. He also puts a smiley face on texts. He even gives me hugs sometimes. What he does a lot which really turns me on is sag his pants very low. And he always has his butt crack out. I love to see it but I feel he is doing it on purpose because he only ever has his butt crack out when hr]e is with me. For example, he randomly bends down and I see his calvin klein underwear with butt crack showing. I feel like he wants to make a move on me. I feel it!!! I mean the texts, the hugs, the way he speaks to me.

So recently, I started to show my butt crack too. He never said anything yet but I always am aware that he is looking at it. Its really back and fourth. He shows it then I do. We are both comfrtoable. Do you think this is ok? Or should I tell him that I can see his butt. And should I stop too? Although, we only do this in front of eachother and personally it turns me on. I mean I believe I have a nice butt crack lol. So does he!!! He shows it way more lol.

Then again, I feel like he has feelings for me but he is afraid. He also sometimes touches my cheeks. Even one time he said “I love you” to me in a text with a kiss emoji. I don’t know. My heart is telling me to ask him or say something.
What do you think? Thanks buddy!!
Yup that is my weird question.
— Ray

Oh Ray,

If I had a nickel for every gay friend I've talked to about having a crush on a straight friend, I'd have a dollar (cuz that's still a lot of nickels).

Sometimes straight guys just simply love attention from gay guys.  Sometimes straight guys do get their curiosity piqued by their gay friends.  Sometimes they aren't so straight and just haven't figured it out.  It could be any of these things and everything in between.

There is a certain allure of the "straight guy" for gay guys.  I whole heartedly admit that I have it.  If it is with a friend, proceed with caution.  Think of it like a cost benefit analysis.  Will the outcome be worth the risk?

What I mean is... will the possibility of getting together be worth losing the friendship entirely?  There is no right or wrong answer.  If you say "Yes," then make a move and hope for the best.  If you say "no," leave it at fun butt-crack-showings and merely save it for your spank bank.

If you want to go for something less risky than making a move, you can just bring it up casually.  Say something like "So I've noticed XYZ happening lately.  Do we have more than a friendship here?"  That gives him the opportunity to define it for you.  But bringing it up in this less risky way still poses risks.

For a straight guy who might be figuring out his sexuality, verbalizing it makes it real.  And making it real makes it scary.  And when it becomes scary, he can want to run away.

So figure out what means more to you... the friendship or the possibility of something else.


Bare InkSlinger

Ricky S. Asks: I have a difficult time with guys who tell you to be comfortable with your body when they are already hot themselves. Take Davey Wavey or… and sorry about this… but even yourself.

I have to get this off my chest. I have a difficult time with guys who tell you to be comfortable with your body when they are already hot themselves. Take Davey Wavey or… and sorry about this… but even yourself. It’s so easy to say things like “it’s all about inner beauty” or “just accept yourself as you are” when you are already built and hot. Try being 100 pounds overweight, older or just not model material. Think of it this way... do you think you would have as many followers as you do if you had a big spare tire? Or, if you were in your 60’s or 70s? As much as the gay community seeks acceptance, it is also the most unaccepting community towards its own members. Heaven forbid you are not a model or over the age of 40. You might as well be dead.
— Ricky S.

Hi Ricky S.,

I am actually really glad you wrote this.  I have been waiting for this to come up.  In fact, I am so glad you wrote it, that I am actually not going to answer it here.  I think it is an important topic that is worthy of a full blog post.  This is a tough topic that really needs some light shed on to it.  Hopefully I can do it justice.

Expect this blog post to come on May 15th.



Steven Asks: How do you decide what kind of tattoo design to get?

You might have had this question before but… how do you decide what kind of tattoo design to get? I want a tattoo but I am horribly indecisive mainly because I know I will live it for the rest of my life and my tastes / interests often change. Where do you start or how do you decide what to get? And any lessons on “where” or even better “where not” to get one?
— Steven

Hi Steven,

Good question.  My journey with tattoos didn't start off so easy.  I begged my mom for one for my 18th birthday and it ended up being awful.  Then later, the one on my forearm was awful.  Luckily I had it adapted to something that is far better.  This is how I go about it.

First, I figure out something that means a lot to me.  Something that has inspired or changed my life in some form or another.  It could be a life event, it could be a song, a movie, etc.  Things that impact me in such a way they will never lose their value.  They hold great reminders of who I want to be and they tell my story.

Second, I find artwork that catches my eye in a visual sense.  This is unrelated to the tattoo idea.  I just collect imagery that has a certain vibe or appeal to me.  Personally, I favor very simple design - minimal use of detail and solid coloring.  I also enjoy words, lines and abstract concepts.  By using these artworks, I can get a general concept of what I want.

Third, I have an artist help me flesh it out.  This is NOT necessarily a tattoo artist.  If I find a tattoo artist that does simple abstract design, then sure.  Otherwise I find an "artist artist" to help me flesh it out.  I pay them for their work.  And THEN, I take it to the tattoo artist to put the stencil on my body and see how I like it.

Fourth, I make sure the tattoo fits the space appropriately - meaning it's not too small or too big for the spot I am placing it in.  If it's too big, it can be overpowering.  If it's too small, it can looked oddly placed.  If it is really too small, then it can look like a birthmark.  Don't be afraid of it being big just because of the pain.  This will be on your body for the rest of your life.  Do it right.

Fifth, I take the tattoo artist's advice with a grain of salt.  Tattoo artist can be gruff and opinionated.  Sometimes they give advice that may not jive with what I had in mind.  If they do this and I am uncertain, then I will put the tattoo on hold until I figure it out.  I ask friends their opinions or what not.  Ultimately it is me who has to live with it.  So I don't necessarily go with what the artist says just because "he said so."  This was how I ended up with tattoos I didn't like.  Some of my favorite tattoos are the ones that I stayed true to my own vision.

I think that about covers it. Hope you find the ink that is right for you.


Bare InkSlinger



Niko Asks: Was wondering if you or your partner have experience with others who have asked about suicide.

Was wondering if you or your partner have any experiences or have had others who have asked about suicides. I have an urge to help youths from killing themselves too young too soon. I may be in over my head, but I want to try and help my community...esp the LGBTQ. Not sure exactly where to start. I have a regular day job so my free time are usually evenings and weekends.
— Niko

Answered by my partner Luke:

Hey Niko,

The world needs more people like you! And no, most likely you are not in over your head. With a little guidance/training you can have a significant, literally life saving impact on your community. Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in ages 10-24, and LGBTQ youth are three times more likely to contemplate, and FIVE times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers. There are many ways you can get involved, any where from direct intervention to policy change. 

The Trevor Project is probably your best place to reach out to, since they are a national organization that works specifically with LGBTQ youth.  You would be trained well and they even have volunteer positions where you can chat with young people on line or through text.   

If the Trevor Project is not active in your area, you might get involved with the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They provide a training called ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) which is a widely used national model for suicide intervention. 

If neither of those is an option for you, you might get in touch with the ASIST program and see if they have any trainings in your areas. Often there are scholarships to help financially.  

And then in your own life, know that you can always just help by being present with people. And if you suspect they are feeling suicidal, be direct and ask them once you have gathered local resources to guide them through. 

Again, I want to say Thank You for your desire to help!  You are an invaluable asset to our community!



Riley Asks: What's been your experience with erections in locker rooms? Is it alright to have one? Do people really care?

One more question, 21 and never have been to a locker room(long story, health wise) and will be joining a gym with that amenity soon. Personally I’m gay and figured at some point being naked around other guys in their underwear to birthday suits may cause an erection, what’s been your experience in locker rooms? Is it alright to have one? Do people really care as long as your not being a creep(of course)? Also social media for me I have always witnessed more “well endowed” guys, are there smaller to average guys in the locker room (exercising for me causes some pretty decent lack of length after workin out)? Again really appreciate the help and sorry for the TMI. Have a great day!
— Riley C.

Hello Riley,

Wow you have a lot of questions.  But they're all good I assure you.  So starting with the last one first: yes, working out can cause shrinkage.  You're putting stress on your body which then causes an adrenaline pump and adrenaline shrinks your junk.  It's normal.

In locker rooms, you are going to see dicks of all different shapes and sizes - and all body types, and many different ages, and races (depending where you live).  It's kind of a cool world to be locker rooms and observe the human body.  It isn't a gay thing.  It's a human thing.  We are always curious regardless of our sexuality.  

You will soon see that dicks in locker rooms are not accurately portrayed in social media.  NOTHING IS ACCURATELY portrayed in social media.  Not even me!  In social media, we like to show the best attributes.  Then it accidentally causes this illusion of perfection (of whatever that may be).  So remember that always.

Now, as for getting an erection in an a locker room?  That's a gray area.  If you're going to a gym that is a well known gay gym, it may not be a big deal.  But if it is just an everybody gym, having an erection blatantly exposed could make some guys feel uncomfortable.  Even if you aren't being creepy about it, it sends a message of sexuality to it's viewers.  

Erections happen in locker rooms though.  It's happened to me and I've seen it happen to other guys.  The best way to handle is just to be discreet about it.  If it happens to me, I just keep my towel tight against it so it isn't sticking out.  Then, when changing, I just face away from whatever random dude might be in eyeshot of it.  

Hope this helps.


Bare InkSlinger

Riley Asks: If you want to engage in oral and have no mouth sores, would it be a wise decision to do it without a condom?

I know I can just google but information is very back and forth, if you believe some one is “negative” in status and you want to engage in oral and have no mouth sores would it be a wise decision to do it without a condom(orally)? Don’t mean to sound so naïve but again any help means a lot. Have a great day!
— Riley C.

Hi again, Riley!

Don't worry about being naive.  It's not like they teach this stuff in schools.  Or well I guess they TRY to teach it in schools but I don't think they do a great job.

So not to freak you out but ALMOST ALL new HIV infections come from people who identified as negative but were mistakenly positive - either because they hadn't gotten tested in a while or their last test was done too soon after exposure and the anti-bodies didn't develop enough yet to trigger the positive reaction on the test.

Now... all that being said... if you were to perform oral sex on a guy and he was mistakenly positive (which also means he wouldn't be on meds and his virus isn't suppressed), then there still isn't much risk.  Think of it like this: the only way HIV can infect is through the blood stream.  So there needs to be a cut or sore of sorts that exposes the internal blood system to the outside organisms.  (anal sex is a perfect conductor for this because it is so sensitive it micro tears during sex).

So... if your mouth has no sore and no open wounds of any sorts, then there shouldn't be any access points for the virus to infect.  Swallowing semen can pose a slightly bigger risk as the esophagus is sensitive (like the anus).  It's a good idea not to swallow when it comes to random hookups.   But as I tell my friends, as a bare minimum... don't go eat a bag of Doritos and then go suck like twenty dicks.  

Hope this helps!


Bare InkSlinger

Riley Asks: What's been your experience with men and size? Is everyone really a size queen?

Recently I’ve encountered some E.D. As well as some more consistent shrinkage(an inch less than what I was before) so now just the average 5.7 erect(sorry for the tmi). Have spoken with doctors and it’s been a very long road with not much light at the end of the tunnel and was wondering, what’s been your experience with men in the gay community and size? Is everyone really a size queen as social media has made it out to be? I’m 21, athletic, just haven’t made the venture into being intimate and don’t know what to expect. Do hope this is an alright question to ask, really appreciate your help :).
— Riley C.

Hola Riley,

First off there is no such thing as TMI - not with me, not here on this blog.  But that's so strange your penis is shrinking.  Doctors cannot figure out what caused it?  I've never heard of such a thing.  So sorry you are dealing with this.

I've talked about size before.  And sure, there are size queens out there.  But I don't think they're the norm.  To me, most guys don't really care what size you are.  When it comes to sex, for the most part, it's less about the size of your dick and more about your over all energy in bed.  If you act like a wet blanket, your partner will feel like a wet blanket.  And that doesn't have anything to do with penis size.

As for E.D. ("erectile disfunction," in case you didn't know), it happens to all of us.  It has happened to me.  And it has happened to my friends.  Often times, I feel like it is just mental.  If we start to think about it, we psych ourselves and can't focus on all the hot energy in front of us that would be driving our boner.  It's just a matter of getting your head in the game and out of your worries.

But, there are times when E.D. is from a physical problem.  Again, more often than not, guys don't care as long as you can make them feel great in other ways during sex.  If you have trouble getting hard, then be an awesome bottom.  Or give great head.  Or be a fantastic kisser (actually you should ALWAYS be a fantastic kisser whether you have E.D. or not).  Be confident in yourself as a whole and guys will be turned on by that.


Bare InkSlinger

Jase Asks: What got you into writing? What if any schooling did you take, and how did you get started?

What got you into writing? What if any schooling did you take, and how did you get started? I am asking because I have found writing to be very therapeutic and just curious how you and others like yourself got started.
— Jase Roe

Hi Jase,

I'm kind of an oddity.  Writing has always been something I could.  I couldn't do much else in school.  I sucked at math and science.  And because of my ADD, I had to be in remedial reading classes.  I was practically two steps away from special ed.

But for some reason, I could write a good story.  Teachers were always amazed by this.  And then, in my first writing course in college, I had an amazing teacher who really knew how to bring out the good in writers.  It also didn't hurt that he was fucking gorgeous.  Like seriously one of the most handsome men I have ever seen.  You could always see his arm band tattoo peek from underneath his short sleeve shirt.  I would've given anything to  make out with him.

So long story short... get a hot teacher and it will help you become a better writer.  Wait... that doesn't sound right.  Scratch that.  I got distracted.  I meant to say GET A GREAT TEACHER.  Good writing teachers help bring out the best in us.  Sure I had a knack for it.  But they can bring out the best in us.


Bare InkSlinger

Corbin Asks: What are 3 thing you would like to achieve in your life?

Dear Corbin,

What a lovely question.

1. I would like to make a living as a writer and publish the 4 books I have in mind.

2. I would like to travel across the ocean many time.  Embarrassing to admit, but I haven't ever done this.  Unless you count going on a cruise.  I don't count it.  I'm talking Europe, Asia, and Australia.

3.  I would like to live in a different city.  I have been in Denver my whole life and while it is a great city, I really want to experience being somewhere.  San Francisco is the dream city.  Chicago is the reality city.  This could change over time.

What are three things YOU want to achieve?  Feel free to respond in the comments.


Bare InkSlinger

BigCountry Asks: I like doing photography and I asked a guy I liked and am interested in to pose. But I see him as a possible boyfriend. Should I do the photoshoot and should he be the model?

Dear BigCountry,

Photoshoots are incredibly intimate between photographer and subject.  But I would see this as more of an advantage than a risk.  As you guys do the shoot, it would be a great way to talk casually and get to know each other in this incredibly intimate setting.  It could really be a genuine way to see if you guys have the right kind of energy and chemistry to date.

But remain a gentleman about it.  If you want more than just a fuck with this guy, don't make a move on him during the shoot.  Often (but not always), the way things happen initially between people sets the trajectory for the way things continue between them.  If it initially becomes about sex, then there could be a chance that it will only remain about sex.

Plus if you don't have sex during the shoot, then that part remains a mystery which could make you two more eager for that date.  So I say... ask him if he wants to do the shoot.  If so, get to know each other during the shoot and even flirt a little.  Then after all is said and done, send him a text and say that you really enjoyed getting to know him and had a lot of fun and ask if he'd like to go out sometime.

Best of luck,

Bare InkSlinger

James Asks: If you were to order a drink at a bar, what would it be?

Dear James,

I have no idea why but I absolutely LOVED this question. 

Currently I am dry so I don't drink.  I am going to be flat out honest (as always), I miss the hell out of alcohol.  I look forward to the day when I can have a drink again.  But I only plan to do that once my writing career has steadied out.

For now, if I could order a drink... I'd order a Manhattan - most likely with Maker's Mark or Bulleit whiskey.  Or Stranahan's whiskey which used to be local to my home city of Denver.  They age it in charred barrels which adds a light smokey flavor that I think nicely balances out the sweet vermouth and the cherry in the manhattan.

Thanks for asking!


Bare InkSlinger

Sean Asks: Would you, or have you done porn?

Dear Sean,

At this very moment, while you are reading this, in another universe somewhere, I am doing porn. However, in this universe, I am not doing porn and don't have any plans to.  I think I have a lot more to offer this world.  Hopefully you all think so too.


Bare InkSlinger

1ForScience Asks: My wife thinks guys are crazy to torment themselves worrying about size. I'm curious how you compare, in general, to those with whom you frolic.

Greetings - I’ve seen the pictures and done the math. In one regard we could be twins. Since you graciously share your rambles and gambols I’m curious how you compare, in general, to those with whom you frolic. My wife thinks guys are crazy to torment themselves worrying about size - likely none of us were given the cosmic opportunity to pick-a-dick at conception. I have no direct personal experience - I’ve never been in a situation to experience another one ‘hands on’. I’m certain Science will benefit from your wisdom and reflection; I know I will.
— 1ForScience

Dear 1ForScience,

Dick size is tricky.  I think our culture creates an illusion that it matters when, in reality, it rarely matters at all.

"Masculinity" is a big contributor to this.  Sociologically speaking, men have it more difficult than women when it comes to validating their gender.  Women don't have to "prove" their femininity.  But, for some reason, men often do feel the need to prove their masculinity. 

So guys are often looking for ways to feel more like a man - how many times they've "scored," how much bread the bring to they table, and yup, the size of their dicks.  In the end, it really isn't that important to most folks.  So really, it's all just internalized thinking.

Another contributor to this illusion is that we genuinely do witness people getting excited when they see (or are with) someone who is well-endowed.  The reason for this is because it isn't all that common.  It's a rarity and that makes it exciting.  If everyone had big dicks, trust me, folks would not be that impressed.  

But of course our brain does not rationally see that.  Instead, our unconscious mind flips it into this idea that if someone gets delighted by a big dick, this must automatically mean they are completely unsatisfied with the lesser dicks.  But that's just not the case.

There some people out there who do only want a big dick.  It does exist, but it too is a rarity.  Again, somehow our brain takes the exception and makes it the rule.

So with ALL that being said, to finally answer your question... I don't compare myself to those with whom I frolic.  My dick is my dick.  I can't change it.  Worrying about whether or not people will like it does not serve me any purpose or benefit.  I just keep those "illusions" in mind as a way to remain logical about it.

I've also learned that our partners (sexual or relational) like us more when we like ourselves. So if we act shameful about our dick size, then we are inadvertently sending them the message that they should view it as shameful too.  

So in the end, if you stop internalizing those social illusions and appreciate what you've got, then there won't be a problem.


Bare InkSlinger

PS - My first long term boyfriend had a big dick.  Trust me, the novelty wore off.  

Benjamin Asks: Do you get hard on photoshoots? If so, what do you do with these photos?

Do you get hard on photo shoots and if so what do you do with these photos? I find I get hard really quick when being photographed some thing intimate about having the camera lenses between 2 or more people.
— Benjamin

Dear Benjamin,

The short answer is yes - it does happen sometimes on photoshoots. 

Being in front of the camera has this really unique blend of being both intimate and thrilling.  The intimacy seems to double when it is just you and the photographer.  When there are more people in the room during a photoshoot, I don't get hard as much.  

I've also noticed that the more "thrill" there is involved, the more of a boner-maker the shoot becomes.  This mostly happens when stripping naked in front of photographers in places we aren't supposed to - back alley ways or even a public park (out of the way but still completely risky).

Now that I have gotten comfortable with being in front of the camera, erections don't occur as often.  Funny how that happens.

As for what I do with these erection photos... well, nothing really - which sucks.  I can't use them on the blog.  I vowed not to ever have an erection on the blog because the point of occasionally being nude on here is an artistic form of transparency and NOT intended to be any kind of pornography.  

I know that folks find it erotic and I am more than fine with that - even flattered. But this "naked story telling" concept walks a thin line.  I feel that I have more brains than body to offer, and if my erection pops up (so to speak), then the whole thing will become far more sexualized and the message will get lost.

Also, I don't post them because I'm walking a thin line with my web host as well.  They are very adamant about not hosting pornographic content.  I am SUPER grateful they even let me do what I am currently doing (yes, I have directly had conversations with them about it).  If erections start appearing on the site, I risk getting shut down.  I have come too far for that.

So for now, they remain locked up in my vault.  They are often locked up in the photographer's vault too.  But not always.  Maybe one day, the right project will come along that will work appropriately for them.


Bare InkSlinger

Zane Asks: How do I deal with negativity from my friends regarding my age? I'm 22 and the oldest in our group is nearly 40. I feel put down for my age.

How do I deal with negativity from my friends regarding my age? I’m 22 and the oldest in our group is nearly 40. I feel put down for my age, as if I don’t have any life experience or I’m not intelligent.
— Zane

Hi Zane,

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, people often told me that I was very mature for my age.  Looking back on it, I wasn't at all.  I was just as immature as the rest of them - maybe even more so.  Anyway, I digress...

The truth is that, while you can have some life experiences as a twenty-something, you have to honor the fact that you most likely won't have the same amount as someone in their forties.  The only way we can gain life experience is to actually live more life (and learn from it as well).

This isn't to say that you don't have experiences that can offer wisdom.  And if your friends are always dismissing you, then they may not be the best of friends.  So one way to resolve the negativity is to get different friends.  Of course, that's rarely an option that people want to go through with.

I often say that the best way to convince people of something is to show them - not tell them.  Actions speak louder than words.  But maturity is a tricky one.  What most people do in order to try and show their maturity often works against them.

Here's what I mean.  Wisdom does not come from knowing everything.  Wisdom comes from being open to the idea that we know nothing.  If you've read many of the blog posts, you may notice that none of them ever start off with any kind of "certainty."  I always try to be open to what I didn't know before.  And people admire that.

So, as a 22 year old who wants to show his maturity, don't try so hard to show all that you know. Instead, try hard to show all that you are excited to learn.  Don't try and have all the answers.  Try and basque in the unknown.  People will respect this.  Trust me on that one.


Bare InkSlinger

PS - After writing this, I had coffee with a friend and somehow it came up.  He made the additional point that age and maturity are always relative.  So even that forty year old friend of yours is going to get some of those same comments from his sixty year old friend.  It's a life long thing.  

Frankie Asks: How long after meeting did you sleep with husband? Are you a total bottom?

Dear Frankie,

While I am willing to answer all questions with total transparency, this is limited to the questions that only involve myself.  I have to respect my partner's desire for privacy.  He often gives me permission to write the stories that involve him.  But this one might be too personal for him on that first part.  So my apologies but I have to leave that one unanswered.

As for the second question, I'm not necessarily a total bottom.  For me, it depends on the energy, the chemistry, and the attraction with my fellow playmate.  The guys I am generally attracted to trigger my bottom side.  But I also like to be diverse in my tastes.  So with that being said, there are still guys out there that trigger my top side.  It's a case-by-case basis.  


Bare InkSlinger.  

Serge Asks: Have you ever been to Russia? Would you like to visit our cold country?

I’m sorry for my bad English. Did you ever know that you got followers from Russia? And so what my question is - Have you ever been in Russia? If it isn’t, would you like to visit our cold country? Your posts are awesome! You are handsome one! I wanna thank you for this blog. I wish you good luck in your difficult life. Hold on!
— Serge

Dear Serge,

Thanks for the wonderful compliments.  Though I want to clarify one thing:  I do not consider my life difficult by any means.  I feel that I write transparently on the little trials and tribulations of daily life that any of us go through.  Then I also to write about the fun and exciting ways we enhance life (like the recent essay on that erotic drawing group).  

Now for your questions!  I actually didn't know I had fans in Russia.  I'm surprised my blog is even available in Russia.  I've always been under the impression that the Russian Government really restricts that content that the citizens can access.  Good to know I might be wrong on that.

In some ways I'd love to see Russia.  The architecture looks incredible!  In other ways, I would be scared to visit Russia.  It seems it would be a risk for a gay man who is experimenting with living in transparency.  Maybe one day, things will change and I can visit your country.


Bare InkSlinger

Juan Asks: I like to wear jockstraps and thongs. But in the locker room, I feel self-conscious. How can I overcome this insecurity?

Hi, this might be a shallow question or situation, but I would like some advice. I have a fetish for underwear, I like to wear briefs, jockstraps and thongs; I wear them because I feel comfortable and sexy. I like feeling that I have a secret and makes me feel kinky. But when I’m undressing at the locker room at the gym or infront of a guy I start feeling self-conscious and doubtful about my body and start wondering if I look feminine wearing a thong or if it is sluty wearing a jockstrap. Or if someone will start judging me. How can I overcome this insecurity?
— Juan

Dear Juan,

I think this might be one of those rare "asks" where your explanation has the answer to the question.  Oh, and before I dive into it... I just want to say this doesn't feel like a shallow question at all.  It's totally valid.

I imagine that you feel self conscious because jockstraps and thongs are not the "norm" of what guys typically wear.  But that's what makes it a fetish.  If it were totally normal for men to wear these types of undergear, then it wouldn't make you feel like you have a fun kink.

To me, the point of having a fun kink is that you get to enjoy something that is uncommon - something that is seen as taboo or risqué.  If these other guys didn't think twice about it, it may not be as fun for you to wear these items.  

So in order to overcome the insecurity, I'd say embrace the fact that it is uncommon and might get noticed.  Remember, that's what makes it exciting.  

Also, I have seen many guys in locker rooms who love to show off their undergear.  They'll walk around the locker room for a good while in their jockstraps before putting something on.  It also helps them feel sexy and edgy.  

I'm not saying you need to go to those lengths.  But instead of feeling self conscious or insecure, let the fact that somebody may notice make you feel even sexier about it.  If they don't like it, then why are they checking out your underwear in the first place?

Also, if you've seen my Instagram, you probably already know that I personally enjoy wearing jockstraps while working out.  It makes me feel sexy and empowered, not slutty or effeminate - which, in the end, are perfectly fine to feel those things too.  


Bare InkSlinger

Martin Asks: How do think attitudes towards (single) gay nudists can be improved?

Hi Martin,

Interesting question.  Not sure how to approach it because I haven't encountered much negative attitude towards being a gay man who enjoys nudism.  Though I am not single.  I guess my question is... who are the people you are seeing this from?  Other gay men?  Or straight nudists?

For me, the best way to help change perception is not by telling people why they should think differently, but rather showing them.  This can also be done by using words - just in a different way.  I often talk openly why nudism has been so beneficial for me (without using any language that implies they should do the same).

I am willing to show people photos of my nudist activities that show joy and liberation.  Of course, I ask them if they are comfortable seeing them first and it must be appropriate to whatever conversation is at hand.  Otherwise I look like the weirdo who is just dying to show people naked photos of himself.  That will not help change perception.

My peers often see how comfortable I am in my body and I attribute 90% of this to my experiments in nudist activities.  When I talk about the positive influence it all has had on me, they seem less negative about it and perhaps even a little curious themselves. 

A lot of folks are suspicious that nudism is some kind of gateway to sex.  I know when I try to talk TOO convincingly of my love of activities in the buff, people think I'm just trying to get them naked.  It's a thin line.  So keeping the information non-sexual genuinely helps.

In the end though, I would say that you don't necessarily even need to change people's attitudes about it.  Making it your responsibility seems like it would add some unecessary stress.  If someone doesn't like it that you are a single gay nudist, then don't make it your problem.  Just go hangout with people who don't give a shit!


Bare InkSlinger